Got The Holiday Ho Hums?... Anyone?... Anyone?

So tomorrow marks the official beginning of the holiday season and I already got the Holiday Ho Hums. It didnt really hit me until this week when people started to ask me what I was doing for Thanksgiving and I responded in a very non-enthused tone... "I'm going home".

Why am I not enthused? Well for one, I have done T-Day and Christmas at home every year of my life --- that's 25 years of the same thing! (lol). And as a friend summed it up so pointedly: "Since my sister and I have been adults and she has inherited in-laws, T-Day dinner has been reduced to just my mom, dad, Great-Aunt Bessie, and me sitting across from some random man my parents invited who I think likes to "make eyes" with me. And last year we didn't even eat off the good plates at the dining room table".... Ho Hum, Ho Hum.

And Christmas isn't much different. Unless you have children (which I don't have) or young nieces and nephews that you can visit on Christmas morning, the Christmas thrill left you at age 19 when your parents' gift was a receipt for your spring semester college tuition payment.... Ho Hum, Ho Hum.

So what am I going to do about my 2008 Holiday Ho Hums? Nothing. At least not this year, but I have already decided and planned to do something different next year and I won't pack any guilt feelings... I think at my old age of 28 (I did say 28, right?), I am realizing that my life has taken a different turn and although my family is an important part of my life, my life also includes other interests, other people, and other things, as it has for some of my family members; My brother is married with a 3 year old and my dad has a new lady friend that occupies his time. And this is okay that my brother's life is in another chapter and my dad's life has started anew. So now it's my turn to start the next chapter of my life... Jamaica 2009 holiday.... Anyone?... Anyone? -)

Until then, I will go home this year and be thankful for the family I have...because I am. I am thankful for the endless memories, the love, the laughter, and the great soul-food my grandmother has prepared for us year after year that always filled my belly and my spirit... Through it all, my family has loved me and supported me in everything that I have done; No Ho Hums about that... instead I am forever grateful... SP

The Simpliest Love Song, But Why Is It So Hard To Do?

A couple weeks ago while I was in Tampa, I was getting ready go to work, I was listening to my Ipod and Bob Marley's song Is this Love started to play. As I was listening, I was dancing around my hotel room, being silly with a towel wrapped around my head pretending to have locks, just taking in Bob's music. (yeah, I know but everyone has silly alone time behaviors, right?)

Well, a week later after my silly time with Bob, I was still catching myself humming the tune. I started to think...His words were so simple... His declaration of love was to the point yet poignant... no pretenses; He has only the promise to just love. But I couldn't help to also think that if love is this simple, why is it so hard for lovers to do? Why is it so hard for so many people to find this kind of love? Why is it so hard to keep once you find it?

I know, I know... At least to me I sound a little naive and simple and even as I write this, I think it is a silly subject to devote a blog entry to. But it just amazes me how so many things can avert love. I even think about the love I witnessed as a child in my family and my friends' families. I would think to myself, at some point these people walked down the aisle and have uttered the same words. I would look in wedding albums where the couples seemed so happy. Or I would overhear grown-up conversations about a time that seemed filled with happiness and adventure. So where is it now? What happened? What got in the way? Money, pride, lustfulness, raising kids, fear, or just moving in different directions?

I have to some degree been skiddish about love because frankly, I didn't have a lot of examples in my young life where love lasted. And as an adult, when I hang out with my married friends, I am constantly observing and determining where love is in their relationship. How much are they giving up, giving in... Is it always worth it in the end?

And at times, I have some really disheartening conversations with married friends who tell me they have the divorce attorney on speed dial just waiting for their spouse to say the word or better yet, the numerous conversations I have with male friends who tell me their boys felt some kind of way about marrying their girl. Or as one male friend put it, "my boy felt like he was putting a gun to his head and pulling the trigger." Seriously? ... "Does the bride-to-be even know that he feels this way?", I asked. "Nope", he tells me, "but his feelings was more extreme than most. Most of my boys just felt like they were walking the plank".... Whew, that makes me feel better. LOL

I don't know if Bob's kind of love is truly real but nevertheless, I am holding out for it because it's what I want... Simple, with no pretenses. And I have waited this long so might as well wait a little longer. I have found that it is pretty easy to settle for just trying to love the one you're with. I am not so inclined to do that just because it is presented to me. And further more....I am not really trying to be equated to a suicide mission. For real, you can keep that proposal.

But if this love that Bob sings about is real, I think this will be "the song" of my relationship. Now I am so not the romantic type as my close friends know but I am a true believer of crafting the love in your life that is befitting of you. So find that song for you. Or for those who have someone, remember the song that forged the two of you together. And hopefully for me, the one I am with will feel Bob's sonnet to his lady in the same way that I do... Or if I am truly being a nut case about this, he will just understand and just simply be silly and dance along with me... SP

http://www.last.fm/music/Bob%2BMarley%2B%2526%2BThe%2BWailers/_/Is+This+Love
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I wanna love you and treat you right;
I wanna love you every day and every night:
We'll be together with a roof right over our heads;
We'll share the shelter of my single bed;
We'll share the same room, yeah! - for Jah provides the bread.
Is this love - is this love - is this love -Is this love that I'm feelin'?

I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I - I'm willing and able,
So I throw my cards on your table!
See: I wanna love ya,
I wanna love and treat ya -love and treat ya right.
I wanna love you every day and every night.....

The SP Critique: Match.com

A couple of months ago, I decided to act upon a conversation a girlfriend and I have had since the springtime: I would give online dating a try and subscribe to Match.com.

My girl and I both felt our dating lives had become stagnant--- meeting the same guy but just wrapped in a different college, job, and fraternity. We thought Match would be a way to broaden our scope, see who else is out there, and maybe, just maybe, get "lucky".

So... I got expert advice; I made up a cute screen name that was flirty but catchy... (just like me, right?). Another girlfriend of mine, a pro at online dating, revised my info so I didn't sound too geeky (I do think knowing how food is produced in the US is important for everyone to learn) or too academic (I wrote, "I enjoy syndicated tv shows"... My girl said "syndicated" was too big of a word and it made me sound corny).

I broaden my scope. I would date the "young & older", the "black & whiter", the "short & taller", "the rich & ... somewhat richer" :). I wasn't looking for marriage and didn't advertise for that, but I did say I was looking for a mate/companion/someone who just wants to chill with me. It was hard to talk about myself and it was really hard to capture the essence of "SP" in a one-pager :). I thought I had an impressive resume but I quickly found there are a lot of women who had the same (of course I checked out the competition). No worries, right? There is only one "SP" but I tell you I was quite impressed that the women on Match were not afraid to put it out there... "Sexy Kitten for You"; "Your the Joseph to my Mary"... Not really my style, but do you girl, because I know times are hard, time is tight, and it's forecasted to be a cold winter. LOL!

So I finally got my profile up and I was immediately excited because I thought I got my fair share of requests... I ended up meeting up with 3 guys; 2 dates were good and 1 date served as a reminder why I have limits on the men I choose to date. But immediately I learned that this online dating thing wasn't a breeze in the park. I had to quickly try to eliminate the "absolutely nots", respond to email conversations and keep them all straight, decide if I wanted to meet, how we would meet, when we would meet... And then, I quickly learned that pictures only give you a visual "idea" as to what to expect when they walk through the door. What the pictures don't tell you is how they carry themselves, how their prescence is felt in a room, or just simply their choice in fashion, which could include ball-crushing jeans, cowboy boots, a mullet, and a cooji sweater... in September... in Atlanta (that was date #3).

So what is my critique of match.com?
In my short-lived Match.com experience, it felt that my personal life had become a part-time job. It was just more work than I anticipated. I took my profile down after about a month. I will admit that maybe I didn't give it enough time, but I realized during that short run, it just didn't fit me. I think if you don't mind devoting the energy it takes, it could be worth your while. I got 2 good dates out of 3 and I have a few associates that have found "cyber-love" and are getting married. So maybe there are some good odds and the chances are in your favor to find what you want.

As for me, I think I will stay out away from online dating and leave it for the ones that can navigate this new age networking world. I think I am just the ol' school type. I like seeing a guy from across the room, giving him a flirty raised eyebrow as he tries to flirt back. And I like the idea that my "luck" may be the next time I peruse the books at B&N, grab my coffee at Starbucks, or go to that event... I just may meet the one who I am suited for and will become a part of my life in a chill kind of way....SP

Sex and Sports... Something New to Converse About

So today I ate lunch with a male friend who was visiting the A. Our conversation was pretty much no different that any other conversation you may over hear these days... "So what do you think about Barack winning the presidency?" So, this question led into what we were doing and how each of us thought about that moment and what it meant to us, different links we have seen on line, the tears, the excitement, blah blah blah. So we talked about this for at least close to an hour. And then I kind of chuckled after we pretty much exhausted this conversation and we were left with a looming silence at the table. He looked at me and he said, "What's so funny?" I said, "You know for the past 2 years all this country has talked about is politics, Barack, Hillary, then Palin.... Now that the election is over and the jubilation is beginning to wear off, no one has anything to talk about just like us sitting here now".

He laughs at me but he agreed. He looks at me and smiles and asks what else would I like to talk about?

Although I have known him for 2 years, I figured we would talk about one of the other 3 topics that I always hit on when I first meet someone and trying to get to know them... You know, politics, religion, relationships, and sex. In my mind we have exhausted politics, I am definitely tired of talking about the state of relationships, because "Sex and the City" and Black in America reporting dismal statistics for us Black women pretty much beat that to the ground and just made me depressed... And religion is just plain boring right now. So I told him I think sex is the topic of the hour. He smiled at me and said "Yeah, you cant ever go wrong with that"... He said if we talked about sex and add in some sports, then he would be a satisfied man. I laughed and said, "Well let me start... So what about them cowboys?" We both laughed but needless to say, we didn't have another lull in our coversation and we sat at that table sipping on mojitos for another hour, but definitely not talking about them Cowboys. LOL!

What THIS day means to me...

I am almost without words this morning. I am still in awe of the moment that happened last night. Yesterday, I was ansy all day (as some know). I couldn't sit still because I knew this day would be the day of all days in my life.

Last night when Barack Obama's name was announced as president of THIS country, I was in awe. I, in that moment, was alone in my house, because I had decided that I wanted to be very much in the moment, with my feelings and thoughts... And in that moment I felt an emotion that almost can't be described.... And I realized in that moment that my eyes had just witnessed what will probably be the most profound moment of my life. And the great things about it was that it was shared by so many not only this country but around the world.

My first thoughts were of this new first family. When Michelle, with her two daughters, came on stage, I thought about my childhood as a little black girl that grew up in a time where there werent very many images that illustrated what life is REALLY like for me and my family. I thought about my niece, who is three, and how seeing a black man and his family as the FIRST family will be the norm for her. I thought about the power of images... It's one thing to live in a country where you are told "you are equal" or "you are just as qualified" but it's another when you actually SEE the equality reflected back to you on the television screen. Then I thought about the black community-- little black boys who could emulate and imitate someone other than a basketball star and rapper. Little black girls who could see a lovely woman who is strong and successful and powerful in her own right but can equally be the support and back bone of her man. I thought of the powerful image of seeing a united black family and the impact this will have on our community-- that this is a testament of what can happen when families stick together, when a man loves his woman and a woman supports her man. It showed me what can happen when people stick it through in their relationships. I know their relationship and marriage hasnt been easy and there were probably many highs and lows, but it is something so cool to see the power of the black couple.

I felt that Barack's speech was very poignant and somber with a purpose. He charged me and the rest of us to continue this fight because although he is our leader, he cant make these changes alone, like he didnt win this election alone. I hope people REALLY heard this. Change comes from the collection of everyone's hearts, spirits, and hard work.

And finally last night I thought about the "audacity of hope", the audacity to dream, the audacity of faith and what this truly means, particualry in my life. I am a dreamer and I have spent many moments and many nights dreaming about what my life would turn out to be. I have many hopes for my life but during these trying times in our nation, in the black community, in our relationships with one another, some nights I questioned it; some moments, I wasnt completely sure if my hopes would be actualized. I still dont know what is in store for me and my life even now as I am facing some difficult crossroads. But the "audacity" of my hopes for the things I have always dreamed of will keep me moving on and moving ahead and waiting for what just maybe around the next corner. It maybe only be a night away. :)