We all have done it... "Before I turn 30 I will have gotten my terminal degree, bought a house, and procured a husband with 1 kid and 1 on the way"... Remember??? Yeah, I wrote this when I was 23 and if I were tested on such a dream I would have scored a--- 1 out of 4.
We all have these "Before I {fill in the blank}, I will have accomplished {fill in another blank}" what I have found that usually we are very creative in thinking that this blank filler will be that one profound, life changing experience and moment, but really what most often happens is it leaves me with emotions and behaviors that I am sure are a diagnosable mental disorder and an newly acquired wine drinking habit...
So since I and some my girls haven't yet fulfilled the marriage and 2.2 kids part of "Before I turn 30 bucket list", I figured let me embrace singledom and come up with my Single Girl Fcuket List. You know a list of flirty-aganist-your-momma's-rules things that you've always wanted to admit, do, or let go of. Fine, we got those other list that keep us on the straight and narrow path but let's throw some cautions to the wind, create a new list that says...
"FCUKET, I'm a...."
1. Admit that I really don't know how to cook. I know, it like I just spit on my southern girl roots and practically eliminating all chances (according to my grandma's marriage playbook) of getting that husband and 2.2 kids. But at this 30 and up age, I don't know if I give a flying flip anymore. I have a lot of other positive attributes like being flirty... and sometimes a little dirty, so shouldn't that make up for my lack of culinary skills in the kitchen??? If I must, the key is having the resources at your fingertip.. And that will be grandma on speed dial, a Rachel 30 minute meal on TIVO and if all else fails, I know Whole Foods has an incredible wasabi chicken dish and I have the incredible casserole dish to put it in :)
2. Stop fakin' it--How many times have you been in this predicament? Especially with the ones who make their mission to get you over. And it's hard to not praise hard work and effort right? ("Woo, woo, woo baby that was... a treat.") But ladies, if you haven't already, it's time to take charge of our O. At this point in my life, I'm too old to be pretending (although sometimes it is skill worth preserving to use when there's a sex emergency), too young to be missing out, and there are too MANY guys thinking they got the magic stick... It's time to let them know and let them put in the same amount of work that we do... That's right, it's not called a "job" for nothing sweetie.
3. Flirt with Pastor Mo... Oh, that wasn't very Christian like was it? Fcuket, I mean I'm saying he's newly divorced and very single. Pastor needs to have fun too. Heyyyy Pastor, nice message today. :P
4. Have amazing, mind-blowing meaningless sex... with a foreigner... on vacation (of course with all the CDC's recommendations in my back pocket). No harm no foul right?, especially since men do it all the time but the difference between them and us ladies is that we know the rules... It NEVER counts if it's a one time encounter, OR it's outside the continental US of A, OR it's with someone who's last name escapes you... So with in mine, I am covered by "The Rules" three times over which means I can subtract 3 has beens with this one encounter... Hey, I think this is my best fcuket yet... literally. LOL
And finally,
5. Buy the Rabbit- Now THIS will be the profound change in your life you have been looking for... At least this is what I've been told. :P
--SP (So what's on your fcuket list?)
