So me and my girl were chatting it up last week and of course, we started talking about our dating lives... a sorted few in particular."Girl, remember him??? I am so glad that we didn't work out. That new chick of his inherited a headache. I dodged that bullet like... Pwuuunnn!" (Insert quick neck shift to the left with bullet sound about here) LOL.
And so ensued an interesting back and forth banter about the number of "bullets" we have fortuitously dodged over our single years. And here I go asking...
"What about that "first love" bullet?"... All I can say about this is if I got hit by this bullet, I would be tending to a recently released convict of the NC Department of Corrections (Love you boo, but I'm sayin'...).
"And the "turned me out" bullet?"... He's the one that makes you start off every conversation with "Guuurrrrl, bye!" He is absolutely the ineffable shag in the hay.... Hell, he probably had a shag and used hay but guurl, you didn't care! He made you say yes to all requests... "You wanna put what in where???.... O-Tay." But while these dudes have some sort of savant sexual intelligence, it boggles you that basic english is insurmountable. The last time I saw this dude, he was working at Dairy Queen. If only he could blend his triple letter consonants like he did those "skr"awberry blizzards.... LOL.
The "got potential" bullet... Man, how many of THESE dudes are around??? You know, like the kind, who is intimidatingly smart, quick wit, and can argue extemporaneously the implications of anarchism as a valuable political ideology, BUT! ... works as the shift manager at Athlete's Foot . WTH??? What wrong turn did you take off the yellow brick road? :P
The "gay" bullet... Hey, it happens... To a couple of us, might I add ( And to remind you, we DO live in the gayest town in America). Thank heavens for the girls helping each other take those subtle-but-raised-right-brow signs seriously, we have avoided the flexible wrists, man gossip-teurs (a little strange when you know more about the latest Reggie Bush's pre-breakup jump off) , and the soft-convertible-two-seaters dudes (Seriously your car is gay)... But for those who know, you can't take away from their creative date night options (Wired & Fired Pottery had that sensual Swayze/Demi feel), their love of decor (They can help style up your bathroom on a $100 budget and a hook up from Targe't), and their expert knowledge of Carrie Bradshaw-esque fashion (You know about the Carrie does Vogue pin-stripe Vivienne Westwood suit??? ... Uh, let's be friends, 'kay?).
After this conversation, me and my girl had no choice but to bestow the obligatory "Wipe Me Down" move to each other. We got some of that Matrix-dodge-the-bullet-type skills! LOL... But then our conversation took an interesting turn. "You know, we didn't dodge every bullet out there. Yeah, you remember when you got hit? Did you even see it coming??? How in the world did you and I get caught up like that?"
There is always that one, the one where even here, it begs the proverbial question, "Can you hear a bullet before it hits you???" It's time for me to write about Him. --SP
Shout out to my first-letter-of-the-alphabet homie for the great conversations!
