The Single Girl's Most Critical Accessory

No, it isn't the chestnut brown Mac lipgloss, the Gucci fanny pack or Beyonce's freakum dress (although these ought to be definite accessories in your closet). You know a single girl has to always put her best face forward and have those secret weapon pieces in her wardrobe that if circumstances call for it, she can whip it out. My latest secret weapon are my new 5 inch black suede thigh-high boots. Yes 5 inches! They are fierce and I am a tall diva in them. I broke them in last weekend and they worked a number.

I digressed a little :) BUT I realized that for a long time, I have been missing the one crucial accessory that every single woman must have... The Boy BFF.

Lately, after my girl told me she has two Boy BFFs (greedy), I realized that I haven't had one in some time. My first Boy BFF was in high school. Back then, there weren't called "Boy BFFs", he was just a label-less item, but nevertheless, he was THE necessary accessory during that time. High school, especially amongst girls, can be a brutal time so he was definitely my sounding board. We used to hang out, talk about relationships, give each other advice and contrary to popular high school belief and rumor, there was not an ounce of chemistry between us. He was just that cool friend.

The Boy BFF is critical for a single girl because we need that male, no-nonsense, the non-"woo woo woo", prescence to bring the yin to our girls' yang. As my girl attempted to plan ice-skating as the first date with her latest new guy, her Boy BFF tersely responded, "And what heterosexual male did you consult with that approved ice skating?" Um, needless to say, my girl's first date will be the Hawks game... :) The Boy BFF will let you know when to love 'em or leave 'em alone. He can give that male perspective on dating, how to approach a matter or let you know when you've been "had". As a male friend of mine put it, "I can spot THAT dude because I AM THAT dude". LOL!

Now as important as my girls are, they only offer a one-sided perspective on dating and relationships and honestly, they are just as clueless as I am. It is like we are playing on a team with no offensive coordinator who has the play-calling expertise for each down--- You gotta know the other team's moves. And your girls, bless their hearts, can analyze a situation down to its atomical particles. We can talk (and I have done this) for 2 hours on a 30 second voicemail from a man that says, "Hey... Just wanted to see what's going on, hadn't talk to you in a while. Hope all is well." ---You'd be amazed at the dissertation we could create on this. Your girls mean well, but they have the potential to lead you to thinking and doing some hilarious things, co-sign on it and then later say, "that may not have been the wisest move". The Boy BFF will not even go there with you because frankly, they don't have the patience and to them, it's an exercise in futility. It is not hard facts, a problem to be solved and men like to solve something and be done. Cut throat but a good trait.

BUT! Boy BFFs have their limits too. Boy BFFs don't have intuition or at least don't know how to use it. Your girls will have that "gut feeling", when there aren't any hard and fast facts on a guy's behavior or you feel and know that something in the universe has shifted... My girl and I spotted a man's interest in her before he even knew he had it! Boy BFFs aren't equipped for this. And Boy BFFs can NEVER tell you or sense when a chic is doing some 'ol underhanded s***. You and your girls can sniff out that chic's agenda before she enters a room and utters a word, but your Boy BFF will say something foolish like, "She's seems like a cool girl"... Whatever, I got her playbook on the shelf at home.

So my quest began for a Boy BFF and after vetting 3 guys, I found him. I told him that he would be my hard-nose go-to guy for advice when I need it, but I reassured him that he will not, shan't not advise me on the latest haircut choice or this winter's fashion trend as those opinions are for my Gay Boy BFF, next season's accessory item. :) You might think I am slightly nuts but I think I am on to something because another girlfriend is thinking about getting a Boy BFF too. I told her it's the hottest item out, we can't be our fly-est without one; the women will want to know our secret and the men will be on us to their own surprise....

The Boy BFF... as critical as my 5-inch black suede thigh-high boots. If you don't already have 'em, it's a definitely must get! ---SP

Pump my gas and you can have whatever you like... It's that simple (Ode to KT)

So my close girls and I were talking about some of our past suitors and what we remembered most about them. I am not sure how we got on this conversation but anyway, what was so funny about this conversation was we were all mentioning similar moments that hit the same chord for us... It was when a man does those "little things".

We were agreeing with the "Yes girl", and the "Ooo, I like that" and "Girl, I almost fell in love with him that day". It was quite amusing. But we all agreed that when he did those "little things" what we liked most was he did them without being asked......hinted, conjoled, prodded, suggested, or even hoodwinked.

Now I nor my girls think a man ought to be a mind reader... We know a man's limits. ;) But there are these "little things" that really mount to be "big things". And when a man does these "little things" or anything without a woman saying anything, to her it is saying, without saying, that you are taking notice of her.... And when a woman feels noticed, well.... I know few women who won't have a satisfying favor in return. :)

But in my mind this idea also begs the question of whether or not a man really would think these things are important? Well frankly it doesn't matter if he thinks it is important or not, he should just obliged. Why? All I know is that doing any of these "little things" or whatever floats her boat will definitely get a man quickly to MVP status. And if you get to MVP status, well a man can probably get whatever he likes and whatever he likes is... that thing he likes. And isn't that what a man wants? -) So what are these "little things"? Well...
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1. Pump My Gas
Now I must admit that this one I have a thing for and one time had a "Battle of the Sexes" where most thought I was little forward with this one. But seriously, I just can't stand to see a dude chillin' in the passenger seat while his girl is pumping gas... Ugh! It may be a rare occassion that this will happen, but if I am driving, I think it is something nice when I pull up to the pump and the man immediately jumps out and heads to my tank. Now, I ain't saying he has to pull out his debit card in order to get the kudos; he just needs to be the one to take notice and handle it. And to me this is a simple one, because this "little thing" is laid out for him... Me, Him, My car, Low on gas, The gas station. Simple, right?

2. Take Out The Trash
I think this takes a man to really be perceptive of his surroundings... Now I'm not saying he should be going to every room and assessing the level of trash in each of my recepticles, but let's say if he is putting something in the kitchen trash can and he sees that it is full, or he notices that it is trash day in the neighborhood and the can needs to be rolled out, it would be a lovely gesture to just take care of it. A simple, but an-affirmative-I-will-handle-it question: "Looks like your trash needs to go to the curb. Where is the can?" Bam! She is loving on him.

3. Wash the Car
Now, I must say that washing a women's car will even bring the most virtuous woman to change her ways. This is probably the biggest of the "littlest things". I mean, if a man does this, at least for one of my girls, he might even get her to do "that thing" he likes. LOL. My girl called me one Saturday afternoon whispering in the phone, "SP, I am peeking out through his blinds and I saw that he finished washing his car but then... Girl! He started putting suds on my car!" Then she said, "What should I do? I feel like I need to be doing something for him". I simply said "Gurrl, get to cooking, chill a beer, start a bath, practice that new trick you been thinkng about". Needless to say, she got to cooking, chilling, and practicing. He didn't even know what was about to hit him, but I think he was a very happy man.

4. The Grocery-Bag-Bring-In
This almost falls in line with the pump my gas so I won't go in a lot detail. It is really simple. My girl talked about how important this was to her because growing up she and her mom would do the shopping but her mother NEVER lifted a finger once she got home. She didn't have to say anything to her father except "I'm home". She and her mom would come in, sip tea, and watch her father and brother directly bring 'dem groceries in the house. After they were done, my girl and her mother organize the kitchen. Needless to say, it will always be a favorable move to bring my girl's groceries in... It's in her DNA.

5. The Airport Pick-Up
Everyone knows that feeling when you leave out of town and especially that kind of lonely feeling you get when you return. I don't know why, but there is something about coming home and no one is there to greet you. BUT! when you have someone there waiting for you... yes, that's a good day. One of my girls knows this all to well because she travels quite a bit and recently she was offered a pick-up from the airport from a new suitor in her life. She felt that this gesture was definitely a step in the right direction. As for me, well I must say I reminisced about an airport pick up not to long ago and I definitely felt kind of gitty and excited... And I think he liked what he got. :)

6. Seasonal Bonus: Trim the Tree
Since it is the holidays, I think this one is a definite plus and will get the hot chocolate a bubblin'. Unfortunately I personally don't have a tree this year but if I did and the man I dated knew I had one, if he asked me if I wanted help getting it up and trimming the tree, I would definitely feel quite noticed. Now, I must say that trimming a tree may feel too "coupley" or feel too much like a proposal is near... I even told my girl to be careful trimming with a man she has only gone on 2 dates with. Don't want to overstep our steps, but it definitely is a good move to get that tree out the attic. If so, he is probably in line for that mistletoe treat.

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What really struck me most about my girlfriend chat was that when one notices the small things in a relationship, both parties win. And even in marrages, this seems to ring true. Sometimes I think men don't really know what satisfies a woman or think that satisfaction only happens in the late night. But late night satisfaction really is directly related to day time satisfaction. Unfortunately, us ladies forget to voice this and our appreciation. So it bears repeating.

Here is SP's and her girls' voices: Pump our gas, do the airport pickup, and dear lawd, if you wash our cars? You will definitely be on your way to havin' whatever you like.. It's really that simple. ... SP