I mean, we're no different than any other girl crew in my estimation. We gab, drive foreign cars, enjoy a nice vino, exalt a good shoe game, pay our fare, and praise 'Em on Sunday (Ok, I've missed about... all the church goings of the year, but Jesus knows my heart) :) All we want is to date a good and normal man--- we meet them in the pew, we get the seal of approval from our married match-makers, we find them at the grocery store ...BUT! somehow, someway we've ended up in some hilarity that makes us shake our head, laugh, and say WTH??? G-T-F-O-H!
Ridiculous-ness, #1: "The Teddy Bear Traveler"
So, my girl was introduced to this dude, he seems cool. She agrees to let him pick her up (aganist her better judgement). As he opens the door, she notices a passenger strapped in the seatbelt...
What is it??? It's a teddybear.... In children's clothes. He explains that this teddy bear rides everywhere he goes (And no, in case you were thinking, it wasn't a first date gift). But OH! "Safety First". Before he could drive off, he ensured that the teddy bear was properly seatbelted and comfortable.... I mean, what do you do with that??? Ridiculous-ness... lol.
Seriously??? #2: "The Squealer---Eek Me Baby!"
Y'all... He squealed...And to give this some context, I can only come up with the comparison from Waiting to Exhale when Whitney Houston's character was with the dude that "Grr!", and she looks bewildered and says, "Grr?" back to him in a tone that emanates, "Seriously???"
Well replace "Grr!" with an "Eek!"... That's right, "Eek!"
I guess "Eek!" is what we get down here in the A.. It alludes that "Free to be Me" spirit. :P
Hilarity, #3: "Introducing The Magpie and His Frisky Feline"
This is probably the craziest situation we've seen. So [sigh]... my girl met a guy that she was diggin' on. After a few outings, she was curious that he never invited her to his house... until she got there. Y'all, he was a classified hoarder. A true magpie, like the kind you see on that A&E show. The way my girl described his place, I imagine it looked something like this... 
For real?? Yeah, for real.
You want some more hilarity? In all that mess, he had the nerve to look cross-eyed when she didn't her take shoes off at the front door.
Want the GTFOH??? His cat took to his corner and masturbated... with his front paw... to completion. Dude told her it's the cat's daily ritual.
I really don't think this needs further commentary. Moving on. :P
This is what I get, #4: "Tenderoni Sends Me Swingin'"
So Tenderoni... YES, he's of legal age, sound body...but not quite of sound mind. Why? Well, he, (like every black man here in the A), has the side-gig of party promotion. Clearly, party promotion is the 2010 side hustle-equivalent of pushing women's clothing from the car trunk- No judgment though. "It's commerce, ni**a!" :)
But I digress... Anywho, so being the supportive friend that I try to be, a couple of Fridays ago, I go to one of his events. I walk in to a crowd of about---5, and I notice something quite unusual...
SP: "Wow, you all are playin' a little porn on the flat screen. Interesting".
Tenderoni: "Oh, that's typical, they swing here"
SP: [Chokes on drink], "I'm sorry but did you say swing? Are we at a swinger's club???"
Tenderoni: "Yeah, but nobody is swingin' tonight except maybe that couple over there."
SP: "Right... So you couldn't think of a better place to throw your party? I mean, a strip club could've been a better option than this."
Tenderoni: "Strip clubs are quite debaucherous, I think."
SP: "Riiiiight, and that's clearly not the tone that resonates here." [WTH?!]
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What can I say??? These are the completely unintended and the can't even begin to foresee situations we have found ourselves in the A. But hey, as I told a budding 30-flirty girlfriend, when you finally make it into my age box as a single girl, it will be rare thing that you won't have an adventure. So live it, love it, maybe you too will get invited to swing! --SP :)
