A couple of weeks ago two of my male friends scooped me up so we could catch up and have a couple of drinks. We went to Rare, a groovy southern tapas restaurant, that recently re-opened after a long hiatus (Glad you're back!).
It was there, after we had our first round, that we started discussing the contents of my last blog entry. Not like a couple of my girls (who interestingly are sisters) who deemed it my "Death to a Single Girl" blog (yes, I admit it was a little downbeat but I thought it showed my cynical but cute side :P ), my Boy BFFs had different take on it. The conversational exchange went something like this...
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Boy BFF#1: SP, I read your blog.
SP: Whatcha think about it?
Boy BFF#1: It was cool, but while you are writing about blahs about your single life, you don't seem to want to get married. You're picky. I don't think you really even want a boyfriend.
SP: Um...
Boy BFF#2: True.
SP: LOL, Whatever dudes.
Boy BFF#1: Seriously, do you want to be in a relationship???
SP: Well... see, I don't...
Boy BFF#1: You know what SP??? You're happy with a maintenance man, you know someone who can come through, "tighten things up" and then you send them on your way. You don't want them to be a part of the interwovens of your life.
Boy BFF#2: Boo-yah!
SP: No, I do want a partner... of some sort.
Boy BFF#1: SP, what do you want?
SP: Well, uh... see it's like... I want... you know...
Boy BFF #1: SP, easy question, what do you want???
SP: (In my less flustered trying to pull it together), Well, what I want is... (yet another pause)
Boy BFF#1: WHAT DO YOU WANT?!
SP: (Trying to scrape for scraps, I blurt), I want love!
Boy BFF#2: Boooooo! Love had me on the hood of a Kia Spectra last night (uh, true event here).
Boy BFF#1: SP, for real, that's all you got???
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I kinda even stunned myself with my shoddy, sub-par response. "I want love???"... Sounds like a throw back from my twenty-somethings. :P
But I must admit, this dialogue hung out in my head for a minute. I couldn't get the fact out of my mind that I, SP of sound mind, body, and 30+ years to boot, could not intelligibly answer this simple question... What do I want?
I started to think about my latest musings, my last writing, and the present state of affairs of my life. After reading my last blog, on the surface it may sound like a 30-flirty-single girl who is ready to turn in her single girl passport for marriage citzenship. But most who really know me know that I have never been that simple... nor that "Matt Lauer" glib to think that the cure for my latest single girl blues is matrimony, a boyfriend, or even a Friday night date in the A.
Rather, I think my "Death to a Single Girl" blog is more of the rantings and ravings of a 30+ single girl in the A who forgot that she's been given the gift of time to craft out the exact kind of life she wants (and most assuredly needs). And I must say here, I thank "the good" that looks out for me in this universe for this gift because I am pretty sure left up to me, I would have f'd some things up and over if I got what I want when I wanted it.
But as for now, my thoughts say that maybe Boy BFF is right. When I looked up the official job duties, maybe I do want the maintenance-sort of man (Not a bad gig, right??? LOL). But maybe I am right too....I want "love" (whatever that is). Who knows, maybe these two seemingly opposing life choices can co-exist. So until I figure out this conundrum, onto my musings au courant: Margaritas... Friend or Foe??? :) --SP
*applauding* I really think this is the task of our 30's...figuring out what we REALLY want. Thank your homeboys for helping US in this process. Maybe they should start a blog ;)
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