Lessons from a single girl's playbook

So I have had many conversations with men and lady friends alike and I have noticed that there are many-- many, many women out here over 30 who are operating without the rules, plays, and strategies of the "Get 'em single girl" playbook. Or if women have one, it is in serious need of some updating and modifying-- for real, you think that the "give 'em a little and take it back" strategy still works in your 30's??? Ah, yeah sit down sweetie and read a little of this blog... :P

So what are the rules, plays, and strategies? Well there are several...many are classics but somewhere, somehow we lost our minds between watching a little too much Oprah, reading too much Essence (yeah, I said it and will be addressed another time), and huddling around our well-intentioned but sometimes misguided girlfriends... but I have already discussed this last point before in my Accessory blog #8 so let's move on... :)

Playbook Lesson #39: Learn to love a sport. Any who know me knows I would vote for football. Listen lady friends, I find this one of my best strategies in my playbook because literally I see men's faces light up when I have a better than a"Ooo he's too fine" opinion about the game. Now in my very feminine ways I don't propose that you become one of the guys, take one to the head, and sit like you got a sock in your pants while enjoying the game... He still wants you to be a girl and men (just like we do) want someone who is genuinely interested in someting they enjoy. Also men know when you are just in the football mix to be seen (men are at least this perceptive). I can't stand going to a sports bar where women seem to be there for the love of football but it's obvious they have other intentions as they have walked by the same group of men four times during one tv time out.

So I am going to give you SP's little trick here... If you go and actually WATCH the game in cute but very subdued attire (but no need to shed the heels), sit (preferrably alone if you got the balls chill alone), and oh here is the clincher... act NORMALLY, I promise the men will come. And better yet when he strikes up a conversation and (Oh! this is the best) you kind of ignore or press pause on him for one second while you listen to the commentators play-by-play, he will eat that crap up! Why? Because he and other men will realize that at this point they aren't the center of your attention and every man wants to be the center of a woman's attention... Therefore it's a chall-ange!

Playbook lesson #27: A "connection" to a man means squat! Now hear me out... Don't get this confused with attraction. I believe this is very important in a dating relationship but how many times have you (me included) have fallen trap to the "He is a GREAT guy... We have this amazing connection to each other and I know he feels it too on some deep, personal, spiritual, personal, deep, for real kinda of way... he gets me and I get him"... Hogwash, I say! The connection thing is SUCH a trap because here you are planning, dreaming, and building expectations on some kind of relationship that, let's a pregnant pause here, .... only exists in your head.

Let's leave "connection" BS alone and while we're at it, let's stop banking on potential (Whew lawd, if we left these alone it would easily wipe out about 75% of our dating life) and throw back the "catches", especially the ones who are self-indulgent-loving that he is loved by many... (I promise this ego comprises about 85% of the men who live in the A who many have attended a certain university... Not saying any names). :)

We have become so worried about keeping this with a man rather than doing what I think is one of the most important lessons any single girl's playbook....

Playbook lesson #1. Single ladies this is a must... Always, ALWAYS Keep a stallion in your stable (Thanks JM for this phrase). Every time, I mean EVERY TIME I talk to a girl friend who finally gets a man coming around, staying around on a consistent basis she let's all of her other stallions in her stable loose. It's one of the biggest mistakes a single lady can make. We get someone and we immediately take our names out of the dating pool. But I know, you feel that to do this would be deceitful. It's not deceit, it's proper single girl form (In my hauty-boogie voice) to keep a-few, especially if you're over 30. Besides, he ain't your man... my premise is you're still single until you're married. Let me tell you why...

For one, he still got his cookies in the closet; don't ever think a man is so tied up with you that he ain't found a 25th hour in a day. Two, when there is more than one in your stable, you won't run into playbook lesson #27 above--- connecting overly so when it's not time to do so. And finally three, if your main thoroughbred leaves, it ain't a worse feeling of not having another stallion in your stable when you're ready to ride... And there it is. :P

So ladies, if you've just crossed the 30 threshold and you're still in the single game, make sure your playbook is up-to-date and in good working order... Remember, this aint about getting your husband, it's about living the most fabulous single life until you do-- SP